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Where's Melli Update
CIA Satellite Tracking Mission: To Find Melli
Codename: The M Files
Last Sighting: 1/6 outside a book-packing plant in Queens NY
Known Aliases: The Mellster, Melli Of Deepwood, The Big M
Psychological Profile: Pending
Appearance: Darn Cute
Age: Unknown, rumored to have been around the block a bit
Sex: Only once that we know of
Data: Courtesy of CIA Satellite Tracking, Richmond, VA

ATTENTION: Note the stunningly realistic satellite diagram.
Reported Sightings
Please see enclosed Photo No. MXs120. This was sent to the CNN headquarters in Atlanta in a sealed brown envelope. The plane is a Lear Jet, model 2XA34, manufactured in 1987. Preliminary lab reports indicate a "negative pixel haze" in the shadow immediately surrounding Melli's face. Further tests have been ordered.

The second photograph, No. MXs121, is an obvious fake and was received by Field Operative Big Dipper at a known drop-off point on Capitol Hill, Washington, D.C. Big Dipper reported his source as saying, "The man that gave it to me was clean. Real clean. It was as if he'd been scrubbed with sandpaper and hosed down with Lysol."

ATTENTION: If you have in your possession any visual evidence that could reveal Melli's current location, we urge you to file a report immediately.
Photo MXs120 Obvious Fake
Items found in Melli's purse
Foreign Currency
Side Note: Giant Noggin is interested in securing herself a handsome beret like the one worn by the gentleman in the bottom right-hand corner of this photo. For the record she denies all rumors that she's balding. Instead she claims to be "really into" looking like a French Cardinal.
Exhibit #2248352X
Foreign Currency (see accompanying photo)
One WonderBodice
A 4"x2" wedge of Swiss cheese (mold-growth     tests pending)
One cleaned and oiled sheep's bladder
One letter of introduction to the "Men Who Hate     Women But Love Being Clean" Self Help Group,     Laguna Beach CA branch
One 1 inch square piece of human skin. DNA and     WBB (Where on the Body did this Beauty come     from?) tests pending
Investigation Status:
"Frankly we're at a dead end on this one. Our field-operatives are turning up no substantial new leads," says M-Files Chief Investigating Operative, Giant Noggin. "Everyone and their dog claims to have seen Melli. We've had reports of her on Nicholas Cage's arm at Cannes, working on 20/20 as a boom operator, and swimming the Florida Straits with a band of illegal Cubans. From now on we will only follow up on sightings made by accredited sources."
Next Page
BREAKING NEWS: Melli Armed & Dangerous in Northern Europe!
Chapter I
Chapter II
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Where's Melli
Where's Melli Update
Armed & Dangerous
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