ATTENTION: Field Operatives unfamiliar with the current investigation status need to see File MX2000 to familiarize themselves with the case before proceeding further.

Mission: To Find Melli Code Name: The M Files Last Confirmed Sighting: 1/6/97 outside a book-packing plant in Queens N.Y. Known Aliases: The Mellster, Melli Of Deepwood, The Big M Psychological Profile: Pending Appearance: Darn cute Age: Unknown, rumored to have been around the block a bit Sex: Only once that we know of.

Data: courtesy of CIA Satellite Tracking, Richmond, VA. Red arrows indicate the 3 flights (# ACS5678, BA678AA, DELTABS456) leaving New York's Kennedy Airport at 2200 hrs on 1/6/97.

Reported Sightings: Please see enclosed Photo No MXs120. This was sent to the CNN headquarters in Atlanta in a sealed brown envelope. The plane is a Lear Jet , model 2XA34, manufactured in 1987. Preliminary lab reports indicate a "negative pixel haze" in the shadow immediately surrounding Melli's face. Further tests have been ordered. MXs120 Side Note: Giant Noggin is interested in securing herself a handsome beret like the one worn by the gentleman in the bottom right-hand corner of this photo. For the record she denies all rumors that she's balding. Instead she claims to be "really into" looking like a French Cardinal. Items Found in Melli's purse Foreign Currency (see accompanying photo) One WonderBodice A 4"x2" wedge of Swiss cheese (mold-growth tests pending) One cleaned and oiled sheep's bladder One letter of introduction to the Men Who Hate Women But Love Being Clean Self Help Group, Laguna Beach CA branch. One 1 inch square piece of human skin. DNA and WBB (Where on the Body did this Beauty come from?) tests pending. Field Operatives' Mission: We know Melli is out there. If anyone has information regarding her whereabouts please file a report at M Files HQ Reward Status: Special commendations have been issued to Agent Chickens on Parade and Mr. Q. The official Mellster Handbook (okay, okay, hardback editions of The Barbed Coil) are in the post. Check out their reports and others on the M-Files Case Page

This obvious fake was received by Field Operative Big Dipper at a known drop-off point on Capitol Hill,Washington, D.C. Big Dipper reported his source as saying, "The man that gave it to me was clean. Real clean. It was as if he'd been scrubbed with sandpaper and hosed down with Lysol." Investigation Status: "Frankly we're at a dead end on this one. Our field-operatives are turning up no substantial new leads," says M Files Chief Investigating Operative, Giant Noggin. "Everyone and their dog claims to have seen Melli. We've had reports of her on Nicholas Cage's arm at Cannes, working on 20/20 as a boom operator, and swimming the Florida Straits with a band of illegal Cubans. From 7/5/97 we will only follow up on sightings made by accredited sources."