You asked for them (well you didn't actually ask, but you keep sending them anway!), so here they are. Even MORE Medieval Pick-Up Lines. Bodger & Grift have gone through all submissions with a fine toothcomb, searching for a few good lines. Not being able to find any, they offer these instead. Go forth and use at your own discretion. And as Grift always says, "Ale and wenches: neither are cheap, both are likely to leave you with a nasty headache in the morning, yet what would a man do without them?"

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1. You're the only man I want in my turret. -- Angie Bell

2. Good Sir, thou hast made my tallow melt. -- Angie Bell

3. Is that a warhorse you're mounted on, Sir Knight? Or have you got elephantitis? -- Angie Bell (Grift says its definitely a warhorse!)

4. Milady, my tent is a little unstable. Wouldst thou come inside and check on my pole? -- Paul Whalen

5. You've broken down my battlements and laid siege to my heart. -- A. Donis (Watch out for hot oil and Trojan horses!)

6. Unhand me, milady. I said grab my baldrick, not my. . . -- A. Donis

7. You must be a skilled archer, my lady, as you have sent your arrow straight into my heart. -- Jack W (I think Jack's in need of immediate medical attention!)

8. Can I draw my sword across your wet stone? -- Jack W

9. I'm half man, half dragon, you know. Would you like to see my big red. . .feet? -- Jack W (Do dragon have feet?)

10. Get rid of the old hag and let's party. -- Jason Chosak (Let's hope the old hag in question isn't the fair maiden's mother!)

11. Fear not, madam. My plate mail is fitted with a quick-release mechanism for just such eventualities... -- Matt Denault (Haven't we all been in that situation!)

12. Would you like to play with my monkey, wench? -- Sara Schonburg (It's a grower!)

13. Lady, were we in Rorn, I could have your burned as a witch for mesmerizing me the way you do! -- Matt Denault (Okay, I admit it: the only reason I put this one up is because Matt mentioned the word Rorn)

15. Milady, my torch burns for you. Just one smile is fuel enough to cause a blaze. -- Robert Zahn (Oh dear. This one is just too romantic. Sniff)

16. Say, baby, I may be no Fred Flintstone, but I'd sure like to make your bedrock. -- Chris Rowe (Strictly speaking this is a Stoneage pick-up line, not a Medieval one, but we like it! So there!)

17. I spent the last three years in a cloister! -- Cathe the Mad (Grift likes this one. He wonders if Cathe still has her nun's outfit handy?)

19. I spend most of my spare time embroidering. Would you like to see what I've done to my petticoats? -- Cathe the Mad

20. It appears we've strayed from the road milady....the best thing to do would be to find a sheltered spot and snuggle up for warmth. -- Cathe the Mad (Grift likes the sound of Cathe a lot!)

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21. Would you like to try on my coat of arms? -- Andrew Laska (Is it just me, or are you waiting for the second half of this one, too?)

22. I like the look of your Rosy Crucians. -- Pete (A real groaner!)

23. Tell me, did the blacksmith charge more for the extra metal required for your breastplate? -- Matt Denault

24. Avaast ye there wench and prepare to be boarded!-- James Coppedge (I can almost smell the seaspray!)

25. Milady, the size of a man's dagger is not what counts. It's the number of people that it sticks! -- James the Boastful (Grift would like to remind James that he should be focusing on quality rather than quantity!)

26. Milady, I do believe you have caused me to invent the first firearm! -- Jose Changro

27. My what a big lance you have!!! -- Princess Lisa Orr (Grift advises me that this old chestnut would definitely work on him! Flattery never goes out of fashion.)

28. Milady, thou art more lovelier than the gods' sweet nectar...might I have a taste?

29. Dear lady, thy eyes are prettier than the stars, yet like the stars, are out of my reach. I am a man, and thou art a goddess. For me to even gaze upon thy endless beauty, milady, is more than I am worthy of.

30. Such comely armor m'lord, but methinks 'twould look better on my floor.(This is adapted from pick-up lines guys have used on me!!). -- Erica Clarkson

31. Milady, I have but a few words for you. Listen carefully: +5 Jeweled Condom. -- Black Wrath

32. I would stand in battle with eighty heavy horse, slay ten dragons with breath of fire, I would build a tower with golden spire, if thou would grant me sweet desire. -- Drew (Sniff! Oh dear. This is one of those pesky romantic ones again)

33. Why, yes I'm a Norman. Would you like me to invade you? -- Justin A. Finnegan

34. What's a nice girl like you doing in a mead hall like this? -- Justin A. Finnegan

35. I'm from Sherwood, can I see your forest? -- Justin A. Finnegan

36. My name is Little John, but after looking at you, I just might change it. -- Justin A. Finnegan (Grift thinks he could learn a few tricks from Justin!)

37. Verily, I never been unhorsed while jousting; for even should I miss with my lance, I possess certain other...equipment...that does the job nearly as well. -- Matt Denault (A shortsword perhaps?)

38. My dear lass, you could straighten the curve in my cross bow? -- Lenny Frieling

39. M'lady, you and I could speed up evolution by reproducing. It's for the good of the kingdom!! -- Lenny Frieling (This is a good one! It appeals to the Mother Nature in all of us!)

40. Hey baby, you can drain my moat anytime! -- Lenny Frieling (Lenny deserves a prize for this trio. Let's have a whip-round and send him one!)

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41. Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to bed we go. -- Sarah Flewelling (Yes, this one was actually used on Sarah!)

42. Nay, in all my art I can not conjure a creature as beautiful as you. It wouldn't have a heart, and without your heart what would there be to make love to? -- Xerxes (Grift has coined a special phrase for this one: it's a melter! Guaranteed to melt the heart of any fair maiden.)

43. M'lady, do you sleep on your stomach? Can I? -- Jon

44. M'lady, how about some spiced apples and a romp in the hay? What's wrong. . . don't like apples? -- Jon

45. Madam I must say you're ugly. . .but you interest me -- Jon (he he he. We like Jon's lines a lot!)

46. My pike has won me many battles. Doth thou wish to see it? -- Chris Umbreit (Having reflected at length on Chris' fine offer, I have decided to decline!)

47. Would you like to try out my Staff Of Power? -- Joshua Burnett (please refer to previous comment!)

48. I needeth not a lance to joust with I carry my own. -- Soulburn (If I hear the word "lance" one more time I swear I will scream!)

49. (Whispering) You think that's big... The rest of it's stored in my Bag of Holding. -- Black Wrath

50. See? You just stick it in, yes, just like that. Then you twist it around, very good, but don't forget to shove it in and out a few times, yes, that's VERY good. Boy, you're a quick learner! And you said you could never learn to use a pike. -- Kelly McClanahan

51. Fair Maiden, I have slain fearsome dragons, conquered mighty enemies, and braved unspeakable terrors, but next to a mere fleeting moment basking in thine angelic presence, these triumphs pale such as to disgrace my honor. Dear Lady, withst thus save my honor and grant thy heavenly companionship to me? -- Mark J. (Who could turn him down?)

52. Och, lass, do you care to see the real Loch Ness monster? -- South (Too late, already seen Nessie myself!)

53. May I offer thou a castle? -- Sir Phillip (As short as this one is I have a feeling it would work on the right girl!)

54. They don't call me Long John for nothing, you know. -- Mark S

55. I'd drink a thousand moats dry just to get one look at your lovely face. -- Pete (Looks like Pete might be in need of a long john all his own!)

56. You can turn my spit any day. -- Jason Chosak (Watch out for scorched sweetmeats!)

57. Don't blame it on the moonlight, don't blame it on the good times, blame it on the tourney. -- Cert (Is it just me, or is anyone else having a 70's flashback right about now?)

58. Why don't you come back to my castle and be my faithful steed for the night -- Robert Stayner

59. Wouldn't you just love to have another belt in your notch? -- Ashlyn (Grift says: yes. And where might he contact you?)

60. My lady, you've got the best child-bearing hips I've ever seen. Can I buy you a pint? (actually used on me at a Ren fest in Texas. I was in belly dancing garb) -- Silona

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61. Would you like to come and wield my two-handed sword, milady? -- Tree, High Paladin of Blarg

62. Yes, that was a good hanging wasn't it? Of course, if come to my place, I can show you something that's really well hung. -- The Poet (It seems as if we are going through a particularly bad patch here!)

63. Milady, didst thou know that the human body is made up of seven tenths water? Verily I am might thirsty... -- Ben "el tiburrn" Knorr

64. Perhaps, oh fairest maiden, you would allow me to quote a few verses of Boccacio to you, privately? -- Samildanch the Giant (Grift doesn't understand this one. He has a vague feeling that Boccacio might be Italian bread!)

65. You melt the metal in my armor. -- Bob (Watch out for nasty skin burns, Bob!)

66. Have you ever spit shined a lance? -- Naes Eknif (Not personally, no.)

67. Would'st thou help to string me longbow, milady? -- Anonymous (Yes, but you have to wax it first to make it more pliable!)

68. Greetings and Salutations young lass...I'm a knight you know... and I'm not that bad in the morning either! -- Gregory M. Ledet (Grift is not a morning person. So he doesn't care for this one much!)

69. Your armor is so shiny, I can see myself in your pants!!! -- Jeff Metcalf (I don't know what it is about this one, but it made everyone here laugh!)

70. Prithee, may I take ye behind the mead hall and check ye for ticks? -- Erica Clarkson (Both Bodger & Grift like this one a lot! Erica would have to spend a whole day de-lousing Bodger!)

71. Do you have any elf in you? Would you like some? -- Joshua Burnett

72. Dost thou believe in love at first sight, or shouldst I walk past again? -- Dagon (Oh, Dagon. Very clever. Everyone here thinks this one is a real winner!)

73. Do you think you could find my armor in your land of treasuries...where the greatest treasure of them all undoubtedly is the queen? -- Christian Liberg

75. Would you believe me if I told you I'm an angel and God sent me down here on a special mission just to give you a kiss? -- Alex Carroll (Another melter. Sigh!)

76. I have faced powerful spirits, magical beasts, and evil men, but 'twas your eyes, milady, which finally smote me." -- Al (You don't here the word "smote" nearly enough these days!)

77. f you will take me back to your chambers, Milady, I will show you how us soldiers can stand at attention all night. -- Jeremy (Wisely, Jeremy chose not to leave his surname!)

78. Conquest of any foreign land pales in comparison to the conquest of thine heart, Milady. -- Matt Clemans

79. Desire burns in my breast for you, hotter than any dragon's fire. -- Matt Clemans (Two melters in a row!)

80. Pardon me but I seem to have dropped something under your gown. -- Dave Brush (I haven't got a clue what this one's about. But I pass it along anyway in the hope of doing a greater good!)

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81. Milady, there's enough room in my armor for the both of us. -- Don Langguth

82. I've spent the last five years locked in a tower. Would you please welcome me home? -- Don Langguth (Aah. This one is sad)

83. Sweet lady, I'm going off to the Crusades tomorrow. Mayhap you'd like to carry my spear tonight? -- Dark God

84. My dear lady, thou art the loveliest creature that God hath ever had the generosity to put on our poor, beleaguered world. Thy radiance far outshines that of the sun, moon, and all the stars in the night sky. Now grab your ankles. -- Dark God (Ug!)

85. License my roving hands, and let them go/Before, behind, between, above, below. -- Daniel A. Ford (John Donne? This guy has out the heavy ammo! Ladies beware!)

86. I'd slay a thousand dragons for one night with you...but since theydon't exist we can skip that little formality. -- Matthew Velonis

87. Oh, look Milady! A frog! Go over there, bend over and kiss it. I'll be right behind you. -- Edward Ueno

88. My Sweet, let me take you for a magic carpet ride. The carpet may not go anywhere but I doubt you'll notice. -- Lord of Mike (Grift says he's allergic to carpet fibers so this one definitely wouldn't work on him!)

89. So what if I wears a dress? I used to wear kilts as a boy, but I outgrew 'em! -- South (South advises me that that the film Braveheart was the inspiration behind this one!)

90. It's the longest bow that shoots the furthest arrows. -- Pete

91. Voulez vous 'Bouncy-Bouncy' dans ma tete? -- Bod Of the White Company (I'm not even sure if that's French, let alone Medieval!)

92. Yeah, other men might slay dragons. But I've got bags of loot. -- Pete (A man of few words, Pete!)

93. Pardon me, madam, but your beauty as caused an involuntary lowering of my drawbridge. If I show you where the handle is can you crank it back up? -- Mister Carr

94. My apologies, madam. When you said you needed hot oil I naturally assumed you meant for a massage! -- Mister Carr

95. Tar and feather me? Well I'm game, but d'you mind if we get to know each other a bit first? -- Mister Carr

96. Will you meet me in the courtyard at midnight? I'd like to see who's the most beautiful: you or the moonlight. -- James Grawling (A melter!)

97. Let me tell you a tale of the holy grail. -- Min Stalsitz (Short. I like that in a line!)

98. So you're the lady of the lake? Well don't be surprised if I go fishing some time son. -- Sir Fitzie

99. Camelot? Well now that you mention it, I did -- Sir Fitzie

100. Come with me out onto the battlements, and let's begin a journey of the lifetime with one small, unassuming step. -- Andrea S (Thank you, Andrea, for raising the quality on the very last line!)

Haven't had enough lines yet? Still haven't found quite the right one? Then peruse the latest in pick-up line technology with Bodger & Grift's 98' picks! If you know a really terrible Medieval pick up line please go right ahead and send it anyway. If it's bad enough it could find its way onto this list.