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1. You're the only man I want in my
turret. -- Angie Bell
2. Good Sir, thou hast made my tallow
melt. -- Angie Bell
3. Is that a warhorse you're mounted on,
Sir Knight? Or have you got elephantitis? -- Angie Bell
(Grift says its definitely a warhorse!)
4. Milady, my tent is a little unstable.
Wouldst thou come inside and check on my pole? -- Paul
Whalen
5. You've broken down my battlements and
laid siege to my heart. -- A. Donis (Watch out for hot oil
and Trojan horses!)
6. Unhand me, milady. I said grab my
baldrick, not my. . . -- A. Donis
7. You must be a skilled archer, my lady,
as you have sent your arrow straight into my heart. -- Jack
W (I think Jack's in need of immediate medical
attention!)
8. Can I draw my sword across your wet
stone? -- Jack W
9. I'm half man, half dragon, you know.
Would you like to see my big red. . .feet? -- Jack W (Do
dragon have feet?)
10. Get rid of the old hag and let's
party. -- Jason Chosak (Let's hope the old hag in question
isn't the fair maiden's mother!)
11. Fear not, madam. My plate mail is
fitted with a quick-release mechanism for just such
eventualities... -- Matt Denault (Haven't we all been in
that situation!)
12. Would you like to play with my
monkey, wench? -- Sara Schonburg (It's a grower!)
13. Lady, were we in Rorn, I could have
your burned as a witch for mesmerizing me the way you do! --
Matt Denault (Okay, I admit it: the only reason I put this
one up is because Matt mentioned the word Rorn)
15. Milady, my torch burns for you. Just
one smile is fuel enough to cause a blaze. -- Robert Zahn
(Oh dear. This one is just too romantic. Sniff)
16. Say, baby, I may be no Fred
Flintstone, but I'd sure like to make your bedrock. -- Chris
Rowe (Strictly speaking this is a Stoneage pick-up line, not
a Medieval one, but we like it! So there!)
17. I spent the last three years in a
cloister! -- Cathe the Mad (Grift likes this one. He wonders
if Cathe still has her nun's outfit handy?)
19. I spend most of my spare time
embroidering. Would you like to see what I've done to my
petticoats? -- Cathe the Mad
20. It appears we've strayed from the
road milady....the best thing to do would be to find a
sheltered spot and snuggle up for warmth. -- Cathe the Mad
(Grift likes the sound of Cathe a lot!)
21. Would you like to try on my coat of
arms? -- Andrew Laska (Is it just me, or are you waiting for
the second half of this one, too?)
22. I like the look of your Rosy
Crucians. -- Pete (A real groaner!)
23. Tell me, did the blacksmith charge
more for the extra metal required for your breastplate? --
Matt Denault
24. Avaast ye there wench and prepare to
be boarded!-- James Coppedge (I can almost smell the
seaspray!)
25. Milady, the size of a man's dagger is
not what counts. It's the number of people that it sticks!
-- James the Boastful (Grift would like to remind James that
he should be focusing on quality rather than quantity!)
26. Milady, I do believe you have caused
me to invent the first firearm! -- Jose Changro
27. My what a big lance you have!!! --
Princess Lisa Orr (Grift advises me that this old chestnut
would definitely work on him! Flattery never goes out of
fashion.)
28. Milady, thou art more lovelier than
the gods' sweet nectar...might I have a taste?
29. Dear lady, thy eyes are prettier than
the stars, yet like the stars, are out of my reach. I am a
man, and thou art a goddess. For me to even gaze upon thy
endless beauty, milady, is more than I am worthy of.
30. Such comely armor m'lord, but
methinks 'twould look better on my floor.(This is adapted
from pick-up lines guys have used on me!!). -- Erica
Clarkson
31. Milady, I have but a few words for
you. Listen carefully: +5 Jeweled Condom. -- Black
Wrath
32. I would stand in battle with eighty
heavy horse, slay ten dragons with breath of fire, I would
build a tower with golden spire, if thou would grant me
sweet desire. -- Drew (Sniff! Oh dear. This is one of those
pesky romantic ones again)
33. Why, yes I'm a Norman. Would you like
me to invade you? -- Justin A. Finnegan
34. What's a nice girl like you doing in
a mead hall like this? -- Justin A. Finnegan
35. I'm from Sherwood, can I see your
forest? -- Justin A. Finnegan
36. My name is Little John, but after
looking at you, I just might change it. -- Justin A.
Finnegan (Grift thinks he could learn a few tricks from
Justin!)
37. Verily, I never been unhorsed while
jousting; for even should I miss with my lance, I possess
certain other...equipment...that does the job nearly as
well. -- Matt Denault (A shortsword perhaps?)
38. My dear lass, you could straighten
the curve in my cross bow? -- Lenny Frieling
39. M'lady, you and I could speed up
evolution by reproducing. It's for the good of the kingdom!!
-- Lenny Frieling (This is a good one! It appeals to the
Mother Nature in all of us!)
40. Hey baby, you can drain my moat
anytime! -- Lenny Frieling (Lenny deserves a prize for this
trio. Let's have a whip-round and send him one!)
41. Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to bed we go.
-- Sarah Flewelling (Yes, this one was actually used on
Sarah!)
42. Nay, in all my art I can not conjure
a creature as beautiful as you. It wouldn't have a heart,
and without your heart what would there be to make love to?
-- Xerxes (Grift has coined a special phrase for this one:
it's a melter! Guaranteed to melt the heart of any fair
maiden.)
43. M'lady, do you sleep on your stomach?
Can I? -- Jon
44. M'lady, how about some spiced apples
and a romp in the hay? What's wrong. . . don't like apples?
-- Jon
45. Madam I must say you're ugly. . .but
you interest me -- Jon (he he he. We like Jon's lines a
lot!)
46. My pike has won me many battles. Doth
thou wish to see it? -- Chris Umbreit (Having reflected at
length on Chris' fine offer, I have decided to
decline!)
47. Would you like to try out my Staff Of
Power? -- Joshua Burnett (please refer to previous
comment!)
48. I needeth not a lance to joust with I
carry my own. -- Soulburn (If I hear the word "lance" one
more time I swear I will scream!)
49. (Whispering) You think that's big...
The rest of it's stored in my Bag of Holding. -- Black Wrath
50. See? You just stick it in, yes, just
like that. Then you twist it around, very good, but don't
forget to shove it in and out a few times, yes, that's VERY
good. Boy, you're a quick learner! And you said you could
never learn to use a pike. -- Kelly McClanahan
51. Fair Maiden, I have slain fearsome
dragons, conquered mighty enemies, and braved unspeakable
terrors, but next to a mere fleeting moment basking in thine
angelic presence, these triumphs pale such as to disgrace my
honor. Dear Lady, withst thus save my honor and grant thy
heavenly companionship to me? -- Mark J. (Who could turn him
down?)
52. Och, lass, do you care to see the
real Loch Ness monster? -- South (Too late, already seen
Nessie myself!)
53. May I offer thou a castle? -- Sir
Phillip (As short as this one is I have a feeling it would
work on the right girl!)
54. They don't call me Long John for
nothing, you know. -- Mark S
55. I'd drink a thousand moats dry just
to get one look at your lovely face. -- Pete (Looks like
Pete might be in need of a long john all his
own!)
56. You can turn my spit any day. --
Jason Chosak (Watch out for scorched sweetmeats!)
57. Don't blame it on the moonlight,
don't blame it on the good times, blame it on the tourney.
-- Cert (Is it just me, or is anyone else having a 70's
flashback right about now?)
58. Why don't you come back to my castle
and be my faithful steed for the night -- Robert
Stayner
59. Wouldn't you just love to have
another belt in your notch? -- Ashlyn (Grift says: yes. And
where might he contact you?)
60. My lady, you've got the best
child-bearing hips I've ever seen. Can I buy you a pint?
(actually used on me at a Ren fest in Texas. I was in belly
dancing garb) -- Silona
61. Would you like to come and wield my
two-handed sword, milady? -- Tree, High Paladin of
Blarg
62. Yes, that was a good hanging wasn't
it? Of course, if come to my place, I can show you something
that's really well hung. -- The Poet (It seems as if we are
going through a particularly bad patch here!)
63. Milady, didst thou know that the
human body is made up of seven tenths water? Verily I am
might thirsty... -- Ben "el tiburrn" Knorr
64. Perhaps, oh fairest maiden, you would
allow me to quote a few verses of Boccacio to you,
privately? -- Samildanch the Giant (Grift doesn't understand
this one. He has a vague feeling that Boccacio might be
Italian bread!)
65. You melt the metal in my armor. --
Bob (Watch out for nasty skin burns, Bob!)
66. Have you ever spit shined a lance? --
Naes Eknif (Not personally, no.)
67. Would'st thou help to string me
longbow, milady? -- Anonymous (Yes, but you have to wax it
first to make it more pliable!)
68. Greetings and Salutations young
lass...I'm a knight you know... and I'm not that bad in the
morning either! -- Gregory M. Ledet (Grift is not a morning
person. So he doesn't care for this one much!)
69. Your armor is so shiny, I can see
myself in your pants!!! -- Jeff Metcalf (I don't know what
it is about this one, but it made everyone here laugh!)
70. Prithee, may I take ye behind the
mead hall and check ye for ticks? -- Erica Clarkson (Both
Bodger & Grift like this one a lot! Erica would have to
spend a whole day de-lousing Bodger!)
71. Do you have any elf in you? Would you
like some? -- Joshua Burnett
72. Dost thou believe in love at first
sight, or shouldst I walk past again? -- Dagon (Oh, Dagon.
Very clever. Everyone here thinks this one is a real
winner!)
73. Do you think you could find my armor
in your land of treasuries...where the greatest treasure of
them all undoubtedly is the queen? -- Christian
Liberg
75. Would you believe me if I told you
I'm an angel and God sent me down here on a special mission
just to give you a kiss? -- Alex Carroll (Another melter.
Sigh!)
76. I have faced powerful spirits,
magical beasts, and evil men, but 'twas your eyes, milady,
which finally smote me." -- Al (You don't here the word
"smote" nearly enough these days!)
77. f you will take me back to your
chambers, Milady, I will show you how us soldiers can stand
at attention all night. -- Jeremy (Wisely, Jeremy chose not
to leave his surname!)
78. Conquest of any foreign land pales in
comparison to the conquest of thine heart, Milady. -- Matt
Clemans
79. Desire burns in my breast for you,
hotter than any dragon's fire. -- Matt Clemans (Two melters
in a row!)
80. Pardon me but I seem to have dropped
something under your gown. -- Dave Brush (I haven't got a
clue what this one's about. But I pass it along anyway in
the hope of doing a greater good!)
81. Milady, there's enough room in my
armor for the both of us. -- Don Langguth
82. I've spent the last five years locked
in a tower. Would you please welcome me home? -- Don
Langguth (Aah. This one is sad)
83. Sweet lady, I'm going off to the
Crusades tomorrow. Mayhap you'd like to carry my spear
tonight? -- Dark God
84. My dear lady, thou art the loveliest
creature that God hath ever had the generosity to put on our
poor, beleaguered world. Thy radiance far outshines that of
the sun, moon, and all the stars in the night sky. Now grab
your ankles. -- Dark God (Ug!)
85. License my roving hands, and let them
go/Before, behind, between, above, below. -- Daniel A. Ford
(John Donne? This guy has out the heavy ammo! Ladies
beware!)
86. I'd slay a thousand dragons for one
night with you...but since theydon't exist we can skip that
little formality. -- Matthew Velonis
87. Oh, look Milady! A frog! Go over
there, bend over and kiss it. I'll be right behind you. --
Edward Ueno
88. My Sweet, let me take you for a magic
carpet ride. The carpet may not go anywhere but I doubt
you'll notice. -- Lord of Mike (Grift says he's allergic to
carpet fibers so this one definitely wouldn't work on
him!)
89. So what if I wears a dress? I used to
wear kilts as a boy, but I outgrew 'em! -- South (South
advises me that that the film Braveheart was the inspiration
behind this one!)
90. It's the longest bow that shoots the
furthest arrows. -- Pete
91. Voulez vous 'Bouncy-Bouncy' dans ma
tete? -- Bod Of the White Company (I'm not even sure if
that's French, let alone Medieval!)
92. Yeah, other men might slay dragons.
But I've got bags of loot. -- Pete (A man of few words,
Pete!)
93. Pardon me, madam, but your beauty as
caused an involuntary lowering of my drawbridge. If I show
you where the handle is can you crank it back up? -- Mister
Carr
94. My apologies, madam. When you said
you needed hot oil I naturally assumed you meant for a
massage! -- Mister Carr
95. Tar and feather me? Well I'm game,
but d'you mind if we get to know each other a bit first? --
Mister Carr
96. Will you meet me in the courtyard at
midnight? I'd like to see who's the most beautiful: you or
the moonlight. -- James Grawling (A melter!)
97. Let me tell you a tale of the holy
grail. -- Min Stalsitz (Short. I like that in a
line!)
98. So you're the lady of the lake? Well
don't be surprised if I go fishing some time son. -- Sir
Fitzie
99. Camelot? Well now that you mention
it, I did -- Sir Fitzie
100. Come with me out onto the
battlements, and let's begin a journey of the lifetime with
one small, unassuming step. -- Andrea S (Thank you, Andrea,
for raising the quality on the very last line!)
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